History Of Jason I have no intentions of being funny, but maybe my life is. These are just points chronicalling my formative years.
1. I had 5 chins as a VERY fat baby
2. I used to step on my 1 year old sister to demonstrate my dominance
3. She knocked me unconscious because I stepped on her a few months later
4. I lived in a Lakewood duplex until I was 1
5. I drank my first beer at 2 years old, my second when I was 18
6. My sister could not properly pronounce "Jason" at first
7. She gave me my first nickname instead of Jason - "Bobo"
8. Kelly and I listened to ANY adult, no matter what. One time (about 4 years old) an ice skating rink worker told us to leave and play on the swings while our parents were gone. We did and weren't found until many hours later.
9. I put on a track suit at 3 years of age and looked for my jogging dad in the middle of traffic on Lorain Ave.
10. I peed my pants in Kindergarten because the teacher would not let me go to the bathroom.
11. I cried in 2nd grade because the teacher asked me to stay after class.
12. When I was 3 or 4 my dad taught me to add 1+1 all the way up to 19,342,813,113,834,066,795,298,816 (yes, that is over 19 septillion) by doubling numbers.
13. Yes I was the best kid in math every year.
14. I was the shortest kid in my grade between 3rd grade and 7th grade.
15. I didn't understand the concept of insult come-backs until my sophomore year of high school.
(My clever come back was: "I'm a nerd? N.E.R.D. Never Ending Radical Dude!" or "Oh yeah? You're an intergalactic geek!" Man, I sucked at that come back thing)
16. I was a teacher's pet until 11th grade.
17. I am the only student to get over 100% (perfect scores plus all extra credit) for the entire year of geometry at St. Eds
18. My best friend in grade school, Dan Lemasters, used to pretend he was a giant 4-foot-tall eyeball who was in pain from the hot air blowing on him and said he would explode puss on me if I touched him.
19. Dan and I got into a fist fight in 7th grade over whether it was 4th down or not in a tag football game.
20. He broke 2 fingers on my chin so I won by default.
21. I am very even-tempered and am very slow to anger
22. I can count the number of times I have been MAD on my ten fingers
23. When I get angry I always cry.
24. At times of anger I often black out.
25. I literally tried to kill my sister once while I was angry. I don't remember it.
26. I tried to kill Rachael Stack more than once. I remember one of them.
27. Apparently I'm not good at killing people.
28. My anger can ONLY be triggered by perceived betrayal by somebody in my trust.
29. I was in a shaving cream fight to celebrate graduating from 8th grade.
30. I was the valedictorian of St. Marks when I graduated in 8th grade.
31. I won the "Peace" award in 6th grade
32. A mean kid from down the street threw a fist sized rock from 4 driveways away and hit me in the head as I was running away from him in 2nd grade
33. I was a creative kid
34. We made up games all of the time
35. When I was 5 we melted crayons into sidewalk cracks with magnifying glasses.
36. They stayed there for months until we had to help dig them back out.
37. We invented many hide-and-go-seek and jailbreak hybrid games.
38. One of them involved tying one person up to a pole in my backyard, with that person able to catch people as soon as they could figure a way out of their bindings. We also used to jump from garage to garage in order to get away.
39. I won a hula hoop competition in 4th grade.
40. I was a total thug
41. I actually wore my outfit backwards once like Kris-Kross
42. I could sag with my pants one inch above my knees
43. I was in all honors classes in high school, making me a nerd.
44. I was too nervous to ask girls out in high school.
45. The first girl I asked out was to my senior prom.
46. Most of the other girls I have dated have either been set-up or they were the ones to ask ME out.
47. I'm actually still shy around girls, even if it doesn't look like it
48. I was super-introverted and shy until I did a massive 180 somewhere around 10th grade.
49. I accomplished that feat by pretending I was somebody else
50. The suckers at Lifeline bought it, and I have been that "somebody else" ever since
51. Maybe that "somebody else" is who I really was all along.
52. I had a crush on basically every girl I knew at some point in high school.
5B. I was a missionary to Tijuana, Mexico when I turned 18. (What job did I get? Yes. A clown.)
53. The JKJs (Jessica Kelly and Jason) practiced our "Footloose" dance every day in case we made it to the Arsenio Hall show.
54. I've been cutting my own hair since freshman year of college.
55. I was nicknamed "Sparky" in college because I was like one of those sparky dogs at a toy-store that they set out which jump around and do flips endlessly.
56. I once three-man-sling-shot a mushy orange from a 10 story roof onto a random passerby. He was okay apart from mushy orange stuff all over him.
57. I more than overdid it on my 21st. I had 47 drinks in a 4-hour period. After filling up a 3-gallon garbage can with half of my insides I awoke the next day with no headache, completely aware, feeling like a million bucks, and still completely drunk.
58. I lived in various parts of Middlesex county, New Jersey in 2001.
59. I was within 40 minutes of Manhattan on 9/11. We got the rest of the day off of work. I went shopping at Best Buy.
60. My roomate refused to clean his bathroom toilet. Mushrooms started to grow in it.
61. Our apartment got broken into on our 2nd last day before we moved back to Cleveland. Nothing of mine was taken.
62. I permanently gained 20 pounds my first month of college.
63. I permanently gained 20 pounds in September and October of 2001 (in Jersey).
64. It might be a fluke, but I gained 10 pounds last week.
65. My wife broke up with me during the first year we dated.
66. I was blindsided.
67. She decided breaking up was a bad idea and we got back together a few months later.
68. I used to have two 12s pumping a lot more than 1000 watts of bass out of the trunk of "The Beast"
69. My "system" was stolen from my car, ending my bass coolness forever.
70. My senior year of college I walked into a circle telling lore of "Legends" from the past. Turns out the story being told was about me during my freshman year.
71. I got in trouble from the RIAA for copyright infringement in college.
72. I went from a 4.2 "straight A" GPA in high school to academic probation for bad grades in college. It was from not going to class, not studying, and not doing homework. I decided to do all of that stuff for my senior year of college and I got a 4.0.
73. The story version of all of this can be found here.  ¶ 10:12 AM