Jason Moran
Monday, September 19, 2005
  Evil Food
I spent 8 hours of Sunday in the emergency room (I'll call it the ER from here on out). Why? During the first quarter of the Browns game Dan Laguardia offered me a couple of Geppettoes ribs. I took a few bites and started to notice a little bit of it stuck in my throat. Next thing you know I had a choking feeling, yet I could still breath fine. I found a large glass of water and tried to force it down with large gulps of water. That water and plenty of spit came right back out the way it went in. So, I tried it again. And again. I watched the browns because they intercepted the ball. Then I tried to force down the rib meat again. After puking out snot and spit and gallons of water OVER 30 TIMES, I got fed up and Kelly and I went to the ER at Fairview Hospital. Before I went I tried stuffing my fingers down my throat to dislodge the meat, but I just couldn't quite reach it.

While watching the 4th quarter of the Browns/Packers game, I decided to try again. I dumped out my spit cup (remember, I couldn't swallow anything, including water or my own spit). I'm sure my spitting into a cup constantly looked gross, but why would I care about something as trivial as that?

After that we got the run around. This room to that room. Go to the "Fast Track" area. Go to this area. Go to Endoscopy. They had almost no communication because they repeatedly asked me if I was a smoker and how much I weighed and all of those useless questions at each of the various rooms I kept getting moved to. Finally they called a Gastro-Intestinal MD in from home. After the "cute" nurse guy (according to Kelly) stuck a needle though a vein and quietly switched to a different one after his mistake they gave me stuff which actually made me fall asleep while they poked around in my throat. I woke up a few minutes later and groggily fumbled my way into the car for my ride home.

Thinking back, the last time I was at the ER was food related. And the time before that. I almost never have any problems with me that don't originate from eating food. Food is out to get me, I swear! Anyway, now that I spit up 5 gallons of saliva I'm very dehydrated today. I just keep on drinking water and looking at the huge bruise on my arm caused by the oh-so-dextrous cute man-nurse.
 
Comments:
Um...Jason before you go on your cruise, did you ever figure out why you had meat lodged in your throat or should I just assume that you forgot to chew?
 
I pooped a hammer!


(Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

Sucks about that Jason. Maybe it's your body telling you you should become anorexic or something (can guys do that?)
 
Is that Michael J or Sammon J ???
 
Oh, and Michael has already had enough surgery on his face...he doesn't need to get any more face alteration ideas from my beautiful mug.
 
Ooh, ooh, you should have asked them to run a camera down there, and then give you a VHS (or DVD) to take home as a souvenir.
 
I don't even know how to play a VHS.
 
Duly noted about the VHS. I don't even have a way to play one myself. Silly antiquated technology.
 
4. He didn't learn his lesson the first time around when eating ribs. You're not supposed to eat the bone.
 
...And I deleted #6. I was late for work because I set the alarm for the P.M. hours, then I reconfigured my dnyamic ip broadcasting software, then I slowly got things ready for the day, then I went to the bank (not even close to on the way to work). So, I got in to work very late today. Sorry, no cavities, nooners, fish sandwiches, Mysterious #5, or bulls.
 
Oh, and also thankfully no ribs.
 
Sammon and his ---------> comments. You know, there are two ways to view comments and the way I view them does not actually show me those profile pictures. Every time you put -----------> in there I switch to the other comments view to see if you've changed your picture since I last saw it...and usually you didn't.

Sammon, wasting my time again.
 
Oh, and here i thought he was drawing crude ASCII art.
 
Jeez, Jason. I bet that little bit of rib is going to cost a ton.
At least the Browns won.
 
Haha, Janet Jackson would only have one ( * ) showing.
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
Alright, enough of the suggestive parenthesis and other computer symbols.
 
Just for that, I'm deleting my parenthesis symbol post.
 
Sammon, I propose that you protest this blog by deleting every last trace of yourself.
 
Methinks thou dost protest too much.
 
I personally like that "Kelly Sucks!" baby image...I think you looked pretty cute as a scared little baby.
 
Muahahaha! ;)
 
www.badgerbadgerbadger.com
 
Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
 
your going on a cruise? sorry about your rib experience - yeah i'd be interested - did they push it down or pull it out?
 
"I feel like I'm being stalked by a Nazi. " --Dazed and Confused
 
This is not a democracy or a republic. This is my empire of which I am dictator, monarch, el presidente, commander, and chief. I have awarded you no freedoms, and any priveleges you have been permitted can be snatched away with a glance of my eye or a flick of my wrist.

Muwhahahahahahaha! *Evil dictator laugh*
 
Ladies and gentlemen! I present to you, Mr. Dick Tater.
 
the crotch of your last pair of good boxers wore out. you may want to pick up some more or else you'll be going commando for the rest of the week.
 
Michael Kelso: [wearing Eric's pants] Well, the joke's on you, Eric. I'm wearing your pants, and I'm not wearing any underwear.
Eric: Kelso, the last time I wore those pants, I wasn't wearing any underwear.
Michael Kelso: [pulling off pants] Good one.
 
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